Taking it

The last couple of weeks have been a mish-mash of dreams, images, thoughts and feelings.  But, there is an underlying theme throughout which leads me to conclude God wants to free me from the need to be controlled by other people.  Here is a summary:

Within the last two weeks I have recorded 10 dreams; five of them seem to apply.  Here they are in very condensed versions: smearing my own poop on myself because someone else is defecating, agreeing to continue to work for a cause even though I perceived it as doomed, letting my escape plans be foiled by another’s ego, submitting to my grandmother and mother’s desires at the expense of my own and dragging my dad at my side trying to make him part of my fairly healthy life. 

After I awoke one morning following those dream filled nights, this image materialized in my mind’s eye.  A thick, shiny metal rod, similar to the hook on a padlock, was hanging around my neck.  To it was attached a large, rectangular steel plate covering my torso.  The plate’s back was embedded in my body; the front was exposed to the world.  People hit it, kicked it and beat on it.  With head bowed, I took it.  I stood stiffly as my body absorbed the blows.  (This is particularly interesting because I have been extremely tense the last few days.)

An event I attended has aroused reactions that are akin to the image and dreams. Although I am still processing the information I received (some of it was good) and my reactions to it, I have felt beaten, oppressed, depressed and discouraged.  My immediate, instinctive response was to surrender my new found goals and dreams and conform to that which I was told…or another interpretation could be what I perceived I was told.  And, it has been a battle to resist. 

Certain words leapt out of the page as I read these Bible verses:  “For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ.  Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate.  Can’t you see the central issue in all this?  It is not what you and I do – submit to circumcision, reject circumcision.  It is what God is doing, and He is creating something totally new, a free life!” (Galatians 6:14-15, The Message)  (This was written to the church in Galatia as they struggled with conforming to people who wanted them to embrace Jewish laws and customs as additional requirements to having a relationship with God…thus the circumcision reference.)  Can you guess to which part I responded?  If you thought “…set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate….It is what God is doing, and He is creating something totally new, a free life!” then you are correct.  And, I believe that is exactly what He is working in my life right now.

Hello blog friends

I’ve missed you.  And, I’ve missed blogging.  I’ve done some book writing (I thought I had three chapters, but now I think I need to start over), but that is not at all as therapeutic as spilling my guts here.

So much has happened in the last two weeks, and so much is unresolved.  I have dreamed almost every night and have faithfully recorded each one (at least the ones I remember).  I have guessed at their implications and yet have not experienced the fulfillment of their purposes.  My introverted personality has lately been exposed to much stimulus, and I am feeling exhausted, battered and discombobulated (what a great word).  In short, I am starting to bump along the surface of life without making time to visit those deep places that are so important to me.  The solution?  I think I may need to start posting again to work through the things God is digging up and bringing out into the light.  What good is it to have half-finished thoughts purposelessly floating around in your mind?  They need to be connected with truth and planted in your soul in order to bear their intended fruit.  So, I am back.  Now the million dollar question is (and no, if you answer it, you will not receive your reward) can I blog and write a book at the same time?  We shall see.  Only God knows…and guess what?  I am going to find out.